I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So squirting runs in the family.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
