Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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