my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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