i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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