Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize