It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
