Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
