he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
