you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
