ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
