Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm like, not good at living.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
