One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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