Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
