I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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