she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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