I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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