I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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