i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
