I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
