I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
