Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
