people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
