We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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