Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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