he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
