You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
