He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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