Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
