There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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