smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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