Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
