loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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