I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
