tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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