Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
