i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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