Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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