she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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