i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
