Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
