Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
