i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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