i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
