Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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