I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
