I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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