He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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