xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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