u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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