at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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