11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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