in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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