Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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