Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
