I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
