I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
