Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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