so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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