So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
