When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize