she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
