my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
