mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
