i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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