she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
