All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
