i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize