He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
