wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
