Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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