Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
