I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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