I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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