why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
