Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
