I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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