did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
