I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize