Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
