I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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