Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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