margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
