i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
