that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
