Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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