somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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