a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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