Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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