Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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