is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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