That's intense
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
