Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
