So drunk its hurt
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
