I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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