i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize