is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
