if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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