Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
