Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
