gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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