i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
