So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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