is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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