Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
