Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
NoShamevember. You game?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
