I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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