She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
