i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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