dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
God, I missed his penis.
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